scared, to be lonely

I always have this paranoid feeling, of scared being lonely, or fear of something that sometimes it might not happening to me. Actually when my brother is here with me I tend to more relax than usual. I’m scared of failing or not achieving something, I’m full with paranoia, and please hehehe pray for my exams I really want to pass the courses for this semester. I realised that actually having my brother here sometimes makes me a little less lonely, but I didn’t realised until he recently back for holiday to Indonesia, I became a little bit sad without no one with me in my apartment… 🙂 but I’m okay

The songs listed above is really reminiscence the loneliness and my fear I supposed. I never understand why I’m so lacking in a lot of things even if I’m trying and pushing myself, maybe its the tests given to me because I looked down at people ages ago, maybe because I don’t believe with myself that much before, but I’ve no idea why. Maybe some of the songs really familiar to you guys like Akon, and Mino (I often post about him bunch of time), and you can see my new list by Russ.

Maybe Logic’s 1-800 song is relatable with in some ways NOT because of my mental, but probably, because I feel like I tried already, but still its not there like what I want to do. Maybe because I’m not really close enough to my God, in which I have to admit I rarely build a personal relationship with HIM 🙂 but I want to change that. Maybe I should learn more from other people like Job, and Kendrick. Maybe sometimes God put me in a test where I should really just let Him guide me, but sometimes I refused and made my own way….But anyways I’m a human too, so please if you guys read this please don’t judge me 🙂 I’m tired for being judged, I know that I’m not the most perfect human being….

And maybe that’s it maybe I ramble to much for this post, but thank you for passing by 🙂

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