+TUG OF WAR+

There’s a constant tug of war inside my head where I don’t know what to say or where to start. I probably the most rude, unuseful, annoying daughter alive, I don’t where to start but the last couple of years I’ve been dealing with a little depression, because of my dad. You know my dad always put my mum as the main blamed. He never admitted what he did and that’s hurt me the most, furthermore he’s still going to a church and pray….

 

 

 

 

 

 

AROSE-

This probably my favourite song for now “I just thought about the aisle I’ll never get to walk us down Never see you graduate in your caps and gowns It’s ’bout to be 2008, how’s this happening now?” this is the song that partially written for his daughter, and his ex wife. I could understand if walk down the aisle will always be a dad’s wish for his daughter, but I couldn’t think I can do it with my dad, with all those things he did, and all the things that I tried to forgive him out.   “Oh, almost forgot to do something, thank my father too I actually learned a lot from you You taught me what not to do” my dad may not leave the family physically, but mentally, he did. I don’t know where to explained but I salute my mum that handle all the parenting, but still what he did affected with all my academic stuffs. But all he said is that he finished all the problems, but that’s not the truth, so at least I learn that I need to commit, and loyal to my future family.

 

Bad Husband

This song is probably a self dissed, and the most direct meaning of a song. I could tell why because when I posted this song my friends directly assume I got a problem, but this actually could be anyone’s song. Firstly he dissed his ex wife in a song titled Kim, in The Marshall Mathers LP, the line Why did I punch back? Girls, your dad is a scumbag, I’m confused was really explained that at that time he wasn’t mature yet, and the feuds was hugely publicised, but indeed he still a father to their daughter. My dad he work so hard, and he gave me money, but sometimes I just want he admitted about what he did, instead of running, and hanging everybody else. I’m always being seen as the black sheep in the family, but deep down its hurting me so bad, why would you go to church if you do something bad, he even smoke, and lied about it.

 

 

APE**T

This is a song about social issues, marriage issues, and arts. You probably may know that Jay Z was caught on cheating, and they survived all those drama, “I can’t believe we made it (this is what we made, made) This is what we’re thankful (this is what we thank, thank) I can’t believe we made it (this a different angle) Have you ever seen the crowd goin’ apeshit? Rah!” you can see that “we made it” it represent, that they survived the drama, and a divorce, but you can see the line “Gimme my check, put some respek on my check Or pay me in equity (pay me in equity)” is all about both man and woman should get an equal pay. This is an awesome song, the music video was done aesthetically, you can the arts, and a scene where both Jay Z and Beyoncé represent them as part of the art piece.

 

 

 

 

 

SANDCASTLES-

We built sandcastles that washed away the sandcastles represent their marriage, however at some point this song is all about forgiveness from Beyoncé. What I don’t like is that my dad did not admitting what he did. I wish someone could just have been admitted what he did, and it will be so much easier for me to forgive. If you asked me why ? it could be my shock therapy, and I have to accept what happened already.

 

 

 

 

IF I WERE A BOY-

I think if you need to describe what a man like, you should check out this song. I feel like there is no communication build by my dad, and instead he blamed everything to my mum. : If I were a boy I think I could understand. What my dad doing is never listens to what my mum feels about, he didn’t have anything when he got married to my mum. I didn’t write this post to blame my dad, but its a cautions to everybody, if you find one like this don’t ever marry this kind of guy before all of you got hurt “I’d listen to her ‘Cause I know how it hurts”. Because when you hurt your wife, you probably going to hurt your kids too, because they might hurt seeing their mum being destroyed and got hurt.

But you’re just a boy
You don’t understand (Yeah, you don’t understand)
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man

 

 

 

STRONGER THAN I WAS-

All I believe is that I might not have the best daddy in the world, but I have God as my dad, and I have my younger brother who is my father figure. All I believe I will be stronger when I have to face my family’s problem in the future. Its the most difficult time for me, especially I just have to believe that this thing happened to my life. My dad really drained me as a human, and I feel like I lost my humane form or feels. I don’t want to be a monster when I hit him, because he hit my mum, when I wasn’t there at home..

But I hate you cause you drained me
I gave you all, you gave me none
But if you blame me, you’re crazy
And after all that’s said and done
I’m still angry, yeah, I maybe
I may never trust someone

Anyways guys I’m sorry everything became way to personal, but I couldn’t take it anymore…I just want to say I’m sorry..All I wanted is a happiness, acceptance, apology, and loyalty.

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