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Hii there its been a while since I share my personal thoughts, I don’t know if its a good thing to share or not, the thing is I’m not a happy kid as people always thought. I’m not perfect either, I just want to be alone right now to grasp everything. I’m very grateful to GOD who blessed me an abundant loves, and supports. I have a question for Him, if He knows that everything bad happened to me will happen, and if I’m going to be the black sheep in the family..why would He put me into the world.. 🙂 I just want a clear answer 🙂 🙂 its cliché but I’ve been struggling a lot, I’m not an academically excelled or housing excelled, besides let me tell everyone this that I’m not really that nice…hahahahaha I’m very mean sometimes, and I don’t knowww..having a RBF is not really exciting things..to date, for the record I think that music is the only friend that I’m able to connect with…

I think that’s the reason why of me loving music like R&B and stuffs, music that making me the black sheep of the family..hahahaha I don’t think that they got the actual meaning, I try to cheer up my own self, making myself happy, but I don’t think anyone gets it…well that’s okay I have internet that I could share my thoughts. One time I told my mum about my views on other people faiths, and she replied me unfriendly telling me that’s something that she doesn’t like, so I rarely talk to her anymore, but when she talk with my brother which he is an attention seeker, she’s happy with him basically my brother talk about his friends etc..and it seems he is able to act it everything well..BUT I’M OKAYYY to be the black sheep hahaha I think its also fun at the same time…the thing is there are stuffs that’s unfinished like I want my father to be honest..that although he is a good person, he is not that good. 

I also a bad liar, to the point that I don’t think I should do it anymore, I have a lot of unfinished business along with the people that I live side by side, I know that nobody is perfect, but I can’t put my own picture perfect at anytime, when my old soul is not healing yet….the old wounds were not healed yet, and it was open again by my dad, don’t I want to forgive him ? YESS absolutely, and do I want to have a better communication with my mum ? YES, the fact that she covered up my dad affair with my brother (the newer affair), it hurts me so bad, and I don’t want to know what will happen next….

Maybe its always be better if I’m playing the bad guy at all the time right ? The fact that I was blamed not to believe in God anymore was also hurtful, in fact the people inside the church itself is sometimes contradict with what they are saying. And they are not a real person too, interms of telling their stories to others….anyways I’ll update more about my playlist love you guyss 🙂

 

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